Is size just a number?

For the past year and a half, I have not worn a single pair of trousers.

Surprising I know but let me explain. For the majority of my life I have been a size 8 (6 if there was a stunning dress with only one size left that I’d squeeze myself into). It was never something I was necessarily proud of, just something I was used to, as my weight rarely fluctuated. Then I came to uni and with the help of many takeaways and boozy night’s out, that number 8 slowly morphed into a 10. This was never really an issue either. I’ve always loved food, there isn’t anything I won’t eat or try and that double figure was just a reflection of all the meals I had so thoroughly enjoyed.

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Then nearly two years a go, my life changed in a lot of ways and my diet took a backseat and my clothes started to get tight. First it was full on structured trousers, they wouldn’t even get past my thighs. Then it was jeans, that became so uncomfortable I’d have to undo the top button before I sat down to eat. It came to the point where I’d even wear a baggy top that would float over my waistline so I could unbutton my jeans at lunchtime without being seen. Eventually, I gave up on trousers all together and leggings became a firm staple in my life.

Deep down this made me unhappy and I began to wonder what was causing this disappointment with my figure. Was it all the ultra-thin models in magazines? I don’t think so. I understand these ladies lives are filled with constant workouts and strict food plans and even then, good angles and airbrushing are a big part of those finished glossy photos. Plus at an above average height of 5 foot 6, combined with a lot of smoke and mirrors, (trust me the stomach rolls are there) in my mind I looked just as slim as I was a decade a go. That’s part of the problem though isn’t it? As long as I thought I looked ok on the outside then everything was fine. When did my own vanity become more important than my health?!

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, Liverpool

I think ultimately I was ashamed at my lack of willpower. I can’t say no to any food, even at the cost of my health, something I should know better about after studying Anatomy at university and seeing first-hand the effect diet has on your organs. The thing is, I don’t want to spend my life wishing I’d eaten that burger or I probably shouldn’t have that cake.

At the very least I could have included a lot more fresh fruit and vegetables into my diet but I find it such a chore. I go weeks where the only fruit I see is in the form of wine and my immense cheese intake should probably be studied by scientists. Plus the extra weight has finally given me something I’ve never had, boobs!! The amount of money I’ve spent on huge padded bras is crazy, especially when I could have spent that money on pizza and got the same effect that lasts longer. I think that’s partly why I don’t want to diet either. Even though I wasn’t happy I’d put on weight, I know for a fact my chest would be the first thing to go if I ate less.

Miss Pap nude bodysuit

So there we have it, complete denial. Convincing myself I’d only gained a couple of pounds rather than a whole stone in weight, that if I continued to wear my stretchy size 10 leggings, then I was a 10. Stuck in trouser-less limbo never buying the next size up because I didn’t want to admit I was bigger.

It wasn’t until the Christmas just gone I realised the only person missing out was myself. I was constantly judging my body when it had done nothing wrong and a change of mindset was in order. It was time to start allowing my body to be comfortable, to accentuate the parts I love and accept the parts I’m not so keen on.

So when I spotted these gorgeous cigarette trousers in the River Island sale, I told myself to stop over-thinking and bought them straight away. They are my first item of clothing in a size 12 and I bloody love them! Not a smidgen of chaffing or tightness and I feel so much more confident. Along with my new trousers, I’ve gained a new positive outlook of my body. I could lose weight at any point in the future and I’ll love my flatter stomach and lean legs, or I could stay the weight I am (maybe even put on weight) and I will love my more curvy trouser loving self. Either way it’s a win win situation.

Dark green bag with polka dot scarf handle

Miss Pap nude bodysuit

River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Miss Pap nude bodysuit, River Island cigarette trousers, lulu guinness high heels, green zara bag with polka dot scarf at the Liverpool Albert Docks

Yes, size is just a number. It’s a number that can make us feel insecure, attractive, self-conscious and practically every other feeling under the sun but it really is just a number and now I’ve accepted that, I can have a wardrobe filled with digits.

Disguise of the Day:

Nude Bodysuit – Miss Pap £10

Trousers – River Island £15

Shoes – Lulu Guinness (found at TK Maxx)

Bag – Zara £15.99

I just want to say, this is quite a personal post where I do not mean to offend anyone and everything I say, my thoughts and feelings, are solely referring to myself and my body alone.

I’d love to know your feelings about your body, whether it’s something you’re not happy with or your tips on how you remain body positive, so please tell me in the comments below.

Captial B Lips Pout

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27 Comments

  1. January 21, 2018 / 4:16 pm

    Wow your body is goals let me tell you that firstly!! I guess we all have body hang ups but from my point of view you have nothing to worry about. I think as long as you are living a healthy life then size literally doesn’t matter! I personally know I have out in weight over the oast few years like you leggings have become my best friend but i know i want to lose some to feel like me again. And hopefully this will be the year for me. I hope to see more outfit posts from you because you look amazing and yeasss to those trousers!! Xx

    Amina xx | http://www.AliandHer.com ❤️

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:39 pm

      Thank you! Yes that’s exactly it. I could definitely eat healthier but it should be for my health and not just because I want to be “thin” but at the same time losing a few pounds would make me feel more me. However until I’m ready to commit to that I need to accept the size I am and enjoy wearing clothes I want to wear!
      I’d love to do more fashion posts, even if I feel really awkward posing in public haha. Just need this blasted cold weather to improve! X

  2. January 21, 2018 / 8:41 pm

    To be honest, I think you look absolutely fantastic in these trousers! I don’t often wear trousers either for the same reason. I have a few complex regarding my legs so I wear skirts and dresses more often. This post is really relatable to me especially as I have been through a time where i’d eat unhealthy and be like “it is just one or two kilos” but still feeling bad about it. xx corinne

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:34 pm

      Thank you. It’s definitely something that has taken me a long time to accept and realise I should wear whatever I want to wear. I think as well because my weight has crept up slowly, it’s been so easy to ignore. However I’m quite happy with how I am atm so I thought it’s time my clothes reflect that and I just go for it! X

  3. January 21, 2018 / 9:56 pm

    You look absolutely lovely! I can totally relate to what you’re saying! Size is just a number, and as long as we’re happy with ourselves what difference does it make? There’s so much pressure on women to be a size 8 and for what reason?? I also love those trousers, I personally always stay in my comfort zone with fashion, and would love to wear something like that! Really loved this post! Jasminsworld.com

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:30 pm

      Thank you! Yeah I completely agree, it’s crazy to feel the need to slim down when all that matters is you feel healthy and happy. In fact I’m actually a healthy weight for my height for once which is a good thing and I’m so glad I found the confidence to buy these trousers. I’ll definitely be buying lots more. X

  4. January 23, 2018 / 7:04 pm

    So first off, you look actually amazing! And yes, I do think it’s just a number. Size is a pure mentality thing.
    It’s all about how you feel. Size 8 or 18, it’s all about how you feel on the inside!
    Love this!

    R x

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:27 pm

      Couldn’t agree more! It’s just a shame it’s taken me so long to realise this. Apart from probably eating a bit healthier to get the right nutrients, I don’t really care what size I am, especially if I can wear trousers like these! X

  5. January 23, 2018 / 7:22 pm

    Love these! I’m obsessed with trousers they’re my favourite things to wear and I love thse.

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:26 pm

      I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to wear trousers again! I love them and it’s so much warmer than a skirt and tights in the winter. Plus £15 is such a bargain in my mind! X

  6. January 23, 2018 / 7:25 pm

    HI, love the outfit you look amazing. I totally agree about sizes it is just a number and doesn’t mean much. Sizes vary do much. I just buy what fits now and don’t go by the number on the item of clothing. So long advent you are happy and confident in what you are wearing that is all that counts.

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:25 pm

      Thank you! Yes that’s the other thing I try to remember is that different shops have different sizes even though they’re supposed to be the size so really it shouldn’t mak a difference as long ae I feel comfortable and happy in what I’m wearing. X

  7. January 23, 2018 / 7:33 pm

    What a great post. I’m in a similar place myself, in that I’ve gone up a dress size and am in denial. I need to either accept it or do something about it. X
    http://aliceloves.co.uk

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:13 pm

      This is the exact conclusion I came to and I just sat there and thought come on let’s face it, I don’t want to go on a diet atm so just get over it and buy the trousers. It’s so great because I love them and feel the most fashionable I’ve ever been in a long time. X

  8. January 23, 2018 / 7:36 pm

    Those trousers are the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time! You look absolutely stunning and I love how you styled them. I also love your outlook on body image!

    Beka. xo

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:10 pm

      Thank you!! I honestly still can’t believe they were only £15 in the sale. They are so comfortable, especially for such structured trousers and I’m glad I’ve finally realised that number sewn on the inside isn’t important. X

  9. January 23, 2018 / 8:08 pm

    You’re so gorgeous and I totally agree the pressure to be a certain size even gives people self denial about what they actually are! Love your outlook and I wish this message was everywhere x

    Morgan // http://www.justmorgs.com

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:08 pm

      Thank you for your comment. It’s so silly that a number makes me feel like a failure and means I don’t wear the clothes I want. It’s taken me a long time to realise that but I’m very glad I have as I’m obsessed with these trousers. X

  10. January 23, 2018 / 9:05 pm

    I really adores this post, I think the message behind it is really important too! Everyone goes through struggles with their body and weight, whether you’re thin or a bit larger! But as long as you’re happy and healthy in your own skin, that’s what matters!

    Ashley | hiyaitsashley.com

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:06 pm

      Thank you. I was worried if people would say I’m moaning about nothing but to me my body has changed and it’s something I’m not used to. I finally understand that it’s not a bad thing, as long as I keep an eye on my actual health, and that feeling happy about myself is really all that matters. X

  11. January 23, 2018 / 9:19 pm

    You look absolutely phenomenal, and your approach is fantastically healthy and balanced.

    Your style is brilliant, you take care to have classy hair and make-up and you write brilliantly.

    Keep doing you; it clearly works!

    Steph 🙂
    xo

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:03 pm

      Thank you very much! Especially the comment about my hair! I’ve always hated my hair as it’s naturally very curly and I find it such an effort to control and should really look after it more. So the fact you think it looks nice means a lot. X

  12. Lea
    January 23, 2018 / 9:36 pm

    You look lovely in that trouser! It really suits you very well and well done on getting over your thoughts and just buying what you really want to.
    Lea, xx

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 12:01 pm

      Thank you. I know it may see silla to some to not just accept it and buy a bigger size and in a way I guess it is silly but I’m glad I’ve realised it’s not an issue because I blooming love these trousers! X

  13. January 23, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    Omg dayuuum girl! Come through with the loveliness! You look amazing and I love your style. These photos are fantastic and I think these trousers flatter you lovely figure. Me telling someone don’t get caught up
    On size will be a little hypocritical because as much as I dont like to I go through a love hate rela with my bod so I def know how you feel. And sometimes people telling you you have nothing to worry about doesn’t help. But more than often they’re right and everyone in this comment chain is right. You look wonderful 💕😘

    xx Lena | https://lenadeexo.com

    • A love affair with Beauty
      January 24, 2018 / 11:59 am

      Thank you for such a lovely comment! That’s exactly how I feel, even if people say nice things it’s hard to hear what they’re saying and actually believe them. I think it’s something that takes timeand I’m glad I’m finally starting to understand how to be happy with my body whatever the size! X

  14. January 24, 2018 / 1:53 pm

    First of all, I am not a trousers wearer but I absolutely love those. They look so smart and go so nicely with the jumper. I’ve had a bit of a severe relationship with myself and my weight as well. I’m a size 12 on the bottom now, a little smaller on the top. Sometimes it’s a size 14 on the bottom, depending on what I’m buying or where I’m buying it from but on a whole, I don’t care about the number in my clothes. It just doesn’t register with me. I have severe self-esteem issues but that really helps.

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